Luminescent Dreams

Setting up a Custom Nix Channel

January 01, 0001

Happy Friday the 13th, everyone!

This week has gone extremely well, with me finishing a project for work that will actcually help save lives. Lots of lives. And I for the life of me cannot actually think of any way in which the application can be used to create harm.

At the same time, I’m tuning my tools, and this week, that means my shell.

I’ve been working on switching my shell environment away from being a nix-shell all the time and back to being something more like the config.nix based environment that the Nix maintainers envisioned.

In the midst of this, I decided that it would also be good for me to grab all of the derivations that I’ve been duplicating from one project repository to another, and drop them into a custom nix channel.

I describe all of my development environments in a shell.nix file that I keep with the application that I’m developing. Part of my discpline also involves standardizing on a particular version of my tools, such as Rust-1.33 instead of whatever version of Rust is currently available in the public NixPkgs repository. Until this week, that meant keeping a Rust derivation file in the project repository. That inevitably leadf to me duplicating gthat derivation file (and Node, and other things), across a variety of repositories.

This was probably optional with my work repositories, but the repositories I build for Luminescent Dreams ship with the shell.nix and default.nix, and so have to also ship with the other derivations.

My own custom channel became the obvious solution, but I did not think of it until late last week.

So, while the format is actually very straightforward, I did not find documentation on how to set up the channel repository and for a while did not think of the simplest, most obvious way of finding out the format. So, here I document it all.

You will start out by building a very simple derivation set in a default.nix file:

{ system ? builtins.currentSystem }:
let
  pkgs = import <nixpkgs> { inherit system; };
  self = in self
in rec {
    rust_1_33_0 = pkgs.callPackage ./pkgs/dev/rust-1.33 {
      inherit pkgs;
    };

    nodejs_9_10_0 = pkgs.callPackage ./pkgs/dev/node9.nix {
      inherit pkgs;
    };
    ...
  }

Every element in this set; in this case rust_1_33_0, nodejs_9_10_0, and so forth; will be available in the channel.

Next, make sure you actually define he derivations described here. Errors won’t be detected until somebody who subscribes to the channel actually tries to install something. Obvious errors, like failing to pass a parameter to a derivation, will completely break the channel and are thus easy to find.

Finally, move one directory up from your default.nix, and tar the entire directory:

> ls -l

total <whatever>
drwxr-xr-x 4 savanni staff  128 Sep 12 11:02 nixpkgs

I actually do not know whether the name of the directory matters, but I mimicked the naming convention that I found in the main nixpkgs channels. Tar up the nixpkgs directory, with bz2 compression, to the file nixexprs.tar.bz2:

> tar -cjf nixexprs.tar.bz2 nixpkgs

Finally, upload nixpkgs.tar.bz2 to a public location. This file alone is all it takes to make a channel.

To use the channel, add it to your nix channel list, but be sure to include the exact url. For instance, to get my Luminescent Dreams channel, this is your command:

nix-channel --add http://luminescent-dreams-apps.s3-website-us-west-2.amazonaws.com/nixexprs.tar.bz2 luminescent-dreams

My Channel

I am now running my own custom channel for Luminescent Dreams, in which I distribute both the exact versions of the tools that I use and the software that I develop. As of today, that includes:

  • rust-1.33.0
  • nodejs-9.10.0
  • nodejs-10.15.3
  • ansible-2.7.4
  • certbot-0.19.0
  • packer-1.1.3
  • terraform-0.12.2
  • vault-1.0.1
  • fitnesstrax-0.0.1
  • fitnesstrax-0.0.2

Soon I’ll add orizentic, palimpsest, and digikam-export to the channel.

Sunset

January 01, 0001
Brilliant Sunset, 2019-01

We had a spectacular sunset in the Boston area last night.

Tech Chaos for September 20th, 2019

January 01, 0001
That's No Moon!, 2019-07

TGIF, and welcome back, y’all!

I am currently struggling with some pretty severe mental health issues, so about the only thing I have the energy to do is write today. Worst part of this mental health issue is that it is mostly about anxiety, and fearing the worst in an upcoming event. But I cannot do anything to put the anxiety aside, and I cannot do anything to bring the event on faster so I can find out the results, so… sucks to be me at the moment.

I will try to keep it coherent today.

Fitnesstrax 0.0.3

Over the course of the weekend, I released Fitnesstrax 0.0.3 on my nix channel. Unfortunately, even though I thought I got this squared away last week, the channel actually does not work as a channel. You can instead use the channel by cloning the repository and including it like so:

  ld = import /Users/savanni/src/luminescent-dreams/luminescent-dreams-nixpkgs/nixpkgs/default.nix {};`

This release involves a rather significant overhaul of the edit interface in order to accommodate more workout types.

In order to add Pushups and Situps (part of my regular workout routine), and soon to also add things like Tai Chi that are based solely on the amount of time that I spend practicing, I really needed to look at the user interface for the application. When I started, I was thinking that it would be cool to just have a section for Time/Distance workouts and another section for Set/Rep workouts, and logically another section for Time-only workouts. And this is obviously absurd. People want to add workouts and get a relevant user interface for each.

Much of my efforts over the weekend involved overhauling the interface. Now, each record can be edited separately. Workouts get added from a drop-down menu. Workouts get rendered through dynamic dispatch of what workout type is there. You no longer get “sections” for each major workout category, but just get more of a record for the day.

Really, this should have been obvious from the beginning. But, now it is there and I can store all of my pushup and situp workouts in the app that I have been working on for ages.

An irony to this whole thing is that I want to swap the app out for a native application, and that is going to be a huge task. My goal here is to get all of my workout types into a coherent UI with the minimal amount of effort so that I can then really focus on building a native UI.

A New Machine

Speaking of a native UI (bear with me here), I have finally decided that I need to get a new machine. I strongly, strongly prefer to only have to manage one computer, but as a consultant, it is rather difficult to merge my work computer and my personal computer. I use tools such as Nix and Docker to keep my environments from colliding with one another. Unfortunately, not all of my clients are particularly okay with creating truly isolated environments. Also, I recently did work with Ruby, and there was, at the time, a problem with some of the derivations for Ruby gems in Nix. I had to install Ruby with RVM in order to move forward, and for a bit it looked like I had already irrecoverably corrupted my machine.

So, although my new client will be giving me a dedicated computer to work with, I have decided that I really need to have a personal computer that I can keep very well packaged and clean, a work computer that I can regularly wipe and reinstall, and a client computer when the client has more particular needs. In the third case, my work computer may actually go silent for months while I spend my work hours on the client.

In deciding that I need a new machine, I also decided that I really, really, really want to go back to Linux. This actually means that instead of recoding the Fitnesstrax UI for MacOS, and doing the Rust language binding work for the Cocoa libraries, I am instead going to recode for GTK. In some sense, though, this also makes sense. Apple really has fitness tracking cornered on MacOS, and I sincerely doubt that I would get many users there. By contrast, Linux only has the online services, so I expect to get some early users from privacy-minded demographics.

Specs for the new machine: super lightweight laptop, longest battery life I can manage, 16GB of memory, 1TB SSD. Turns out, this is being really hard to find. I have found a customized machine from Lenovo that fits the bill, but shipping time is something like 4 weeks from now. It looks like I can get a machine from System76, but I will have to research. My past experience is that their laptops are rather bulky and have very poor battery life.

React Hooks

While I was reading onboarding documents for my new client, I noticed that they use React Hooks through their code. I knew nothing about them, but I realized that Fitnesstrax already runs the correct version of React to use them. So, I overhauled one of my components. I am actually very pleased with the result. My stateful components remain stateful, but the useState hook hugely reduces the amount of boilerplate code that I have to set up in order to manage component state!

I am unlikely to do anything more with React Hooks in my open source work for the forseeable future since I intend to switch over to GTK work, but it is a new tool that I recommend that everyone looks at.

Licensing and Pulling Power back from Corporate Interests

I have been using a lot of BSD-3 licensed code for a long time, and I have also been distributing my code under the BSD-3 license. But, corporations love this license. Unlike the GPL, it allows them to make products cheaply without providing any benefit back to the open source developer who put their precious time into the software that their projects depend on. Further, I know that in recent years corporations want to see your Github work as a condition for hiring.

I feel that the situation here is very complicated. I want to be able to work on things that bring benefits to individuals. But it is very unlikely that anyone would actually pay me for my open source work. I am most interested in having software, such as Fitnesstrax and Emseries adopted by as many individual users and open source developers as possible, but I also want corporations to either unambiguously hire me or pay me for my work.

Realistically, nobody but me is currently using any of my work. So, let’s set that aside and simply consider class solidarity. Specifically, solidarity with marginalized tech workers who have difficulty getting employed, do not have the time to put into open source work, or who simply do not want to give their free time away to corporations.

The GPL of course comes to mind, but certain black developers that I follow have started evangelizing the Parity and Prosperity licenses and the License Zero method of licensing software for commercial and closed source use. I am trying to begin conversations with folks about what that really turns into and how that would affect my open source development model. I hope to share more thoughts here as soon as I understand.

Employment

Last topic: employment.

Recruiters come looking for me on a pretty regular basis, but they pretty much ignore that I’ve specifically requested to never be contacted about Python positions. I have over a decade of Python programming experience, and I categorically hate the ecosystem. I also fail to understand why anyone would not want type guarantees at the time that their program starts running. Tell me: why would you want to have to write extra tests to validate that you are always calling functions correctly? Do you really want to find out about these things when they fail in production? Get real, folks.

I have a really damned good job with Cloud City Development. Great co-workers, management that actually does behave in solidarity with the employees, and a variety of jobs. This includes a job that I did over the last two months to accelarate how countries improve their public health policies! I don’t like our tech platform, but the culture really tips the balance wildly in favor of the company.

I even vaguely think that my managers would secretly been pleased if I had gone on climate strike today instead of having a major anxiety breakdown.

So, if any recuriters read this, know that you have an incredible bar to cross to even get a response from me. And at this time, the bar looks like this:

  • Rust, Typescript, Haskell, Nix
  • Linux-first development environment
  • Combating global climate change, building products that safeguard customer privacy rights, or aiding public health.

As a quick hint: if the product must be connected to the cloud, it does not safeguard customer privacy rights. I don’t care how revolutionary you think you are. My data, especially my health and fitness data, should literally never leave my devices.

And that’s it for this week! I hope to make this a regular column, though perhaps I will have to keep it shorter when I am doing focused work.

Typescript Setup

January 01, 0001

I recently started a typescript project from scratch. With no pre-existing setup, and very little prior typescript experience, I had to set up the entire development environment to support it. In doing so, I found that there was really no coherent set of instructions for bootstrapping a Typescript project from base principles. Once I did all of the research, I decided it would be important for me to document not only my final environment, but how the various parts work together in a way that allows a bit of modular picking-and-choosing.

This is a straightforward React + Redux project with Jest tests, and I wanted a fairly complete development environment:

  • Build to a single .js file, with companion .html and .css files
  • Monitor and automatically rebuild all files in the project
  • Jest tests
  • Continuous linting with Ale for vim
  • Automatic formatting with Prettier

The final project is an environment dashboard for the Boston Cloud City Team. It is my first Typescript project, it allows me to test out some CSS layout techniques, and it gives us continuous ambient information around Alewife Station in Boston.

Base Setup

Because it is popular, I decided to go with webpack for the bundling tool. I’ll start out with just the webpack setup.

Dev Dependencies:

  • webpack: ^4.30.0
  • webpack-cli: ^3.3.1
{: .name} package.json

{: .text}

{
  "name": "cc-boston-dashboard",
  "version": "1.0.0",
  "description": "A dashboard display for the Boston Cloud City team",
  "scripts": {
    "start": "webpack-dev-server",
    "build": "webpack",
  },
  "author": "Savanni D'Gerinel <savanni@luminescent-dreams.com>",
  "license": "BSD-3-Clause",
  "devDependencies": {
    "webpack": "^4.30.0",
    "webpack-cli": "^3.3.1",
    "webpack-dev-server": "^3.3.1"
  },
  "dependencies": {
  }
}
{: .name} webpack.config.js

{: .text}

const path = require("path")

module.exports = {
  mode: "development",
  entry: "./src/main.tsx",
  devtool: "inline-source-map",
  devServer: {
    contentBase: path.join(__dirname, "dist"),
    compress: true,
    port: 9000,
  },
  module: { },
  resolve: {
    extensions: [".tsx", ".ts", ".js"],
  },
  output: {
    filename: "bundle.js",
    path: path.resolve(__dirname, "dist"),
  },
}

This is the most basic npm and webpack setup that I can think of. By itself, it does basically nothing since there are no modules defined for the build process, but it does form the template for doing development.

I include webpack-dev-server, but that is an optional component. It is nice to have because your browser will automatically reload the application after every file change. If you decide to leave that out, remove the devServer stanza from webpack.config.js.

Typescript

In adding Typescript, this is where we add in the programming language and can start writing and building code.

Dev Dependencies:

  • ts-loader: ^5.4.4
  • typescript: ^3.4.5

First, let’s set up the typescript rules.

{: .name} tsconfig.json

{: .text}

{
  "compilerOptions": {
    "target": "es5",
    "module": "commonjs",
    "lib": ["es2015", "dom"],
    "jsx": "react",
    "strict": true,
    "esModuleInterop": true,
    "sourceMap": true
  }
}

Most of the options I don’t understand, but I know that they are necessary. For now, use these as a starting point and modify them to see what effects you get. There is extensive documentation of all of the compiler options available.

However, there are three that I understand well enough to describe:

  • jsx – this option must be set to “react” or to “react-native” for React applications. The documentation describes all of the settings.
  • strict – when set to true, Typescript will perform the strictest type checking available. I highly advise this for every project. Typescipt and Javascript code can coexist in the same repository, so if you are migrating a Javascript project into Typescript, migrate one file at a time but be prepared to migrate the entirity of that file at once.
  • sourceMap – this option includes source maps in the final build product.

Now we need to tell Webpack how to understand typescript files. This takes the form of a rule in the module section of webpack.config.js.

{: .name} webpack.config.js

{: .text}

module.exports = {
  ...
  module: {
    rules: [
      {
        test: path => path.endsWith(".ts") || path.endsWith(".tsx"),
        loader: "ts-loader",
        options: {
          onlyCompileBundledFiles: true,
        },
        exclude: /node_modules/,
      },
    ]
  }
  ...
}

This rule will be applied to every file with the extensions .ts and .tsx in the source directory. Each of those files, when processed, will be passed into ts-loader, which is a compatibility layer between typescript and webpack.

options: { onlyCompileBundledFiles: true } is an important option to include to ensure that ts-loader only works on those files that will be part of the resulting package. When excluded, ts-loader will attempt to process *.test.ts and *.test.tsx files. This does not go well as test files in Javascript tend treat many of the testing idioms as part of the environment, not as libraries to be included. So, when ts-loader attempts to process a file intended for Jest, it will find a lot of errors of this form:

ERROR in /Users/savanni/src/dashboard/client/src/clients/mbta.test.ts
[tsl] ERROR in /Users/savanni/src/dashboard/client/src/clients/mbta.test.ts(6,1)
      TS2582: Cannot find name 'describe'. Do you need to install type definitions for a test runner? Try `npm i @types/jest` or `npm i @types/mocha`.

Jest, Enzyme, and Fetch Mocks

At this stage, I assume that we have some code to test. I have gotten most familiar with Jest over the last few months, and so it was natural for me to pick that up again.

Dev Dependencies:

  • @types/jest: ^24.0.11
  • jest: ^24.7.1
  • ts-jest: ^24.0.2

At this point, I add a new section, jest, to the package.json file to handle configuration.

{: .name} package.json

{: .text}

  "jest": {
    "transform": {
      ".(ts|tsx)": "ts-jest"
    },
    "testPathIgnorePatterns": [
      "/node_modules/",
      "/lib/"
    ],
    "testRegex": "(/src/.*\\.(test|spec))\\.(ts|tsx)$",
    "moduleFileExtensions": [
      "ts",
      "tsx",
      "js",
      "json"
    ],
  },

Jest uses its own loader, ts-jest. It serves much the same function as ts-loader, but it provides definitions such as describe, it, test, and expect as part of the global environment in test files.

Once Jest is working, I want to add Enzyme into the mix. Enzyme is my favorite testing tool, as it has made it easy for me to test my React components. React components can be rendered based solely on their parameter inputs, or with the extra aid of mocked Redux and Apollo providers. This helps me ensure that the component responds correctly to input parameters, possibly through tricky logic.

Dev Dependencies:

  • @types/enzyme-adapter-react-16: ^1.0.5
  • @types/enzyme: ^3.9.1
  • enzyme-adapter-react-16: ^1.12.1
  • enzyme: ^3.9.0

Enzyme needs to be configured before each test. I can do with a simple beforeEach block in the test file.

{: .name} package.json

{: .text}

    "setupFilesAfterEnv": [
      "./setupBeforeTest.ts"
    ]
{: .name} component.test.ts

{: .text}

import { configure } from "enzyme"
import Adapter from "enzyme-adapter-react-16"

beforeEach(() => configure({ adapter: new Adapter() }))

However, I need to write this for every file which does component testing. Jest provides setupFilesAfterEnv to specify chunks of code that should be run before each test in the suite, allowing us to centralize the Enzyme configuration code for the entire project.

{: .name} setupBeforeTest.ts

{: .text}

import { configure } from "enzyme"
import Adapter from "enzyme-adapter-react-16"

configure({ adapter: new Adapter() })

{: .pullout} There is a lot to be said about how to make mocking an API effective. Done poorly, you get a client library that cannot actually talk to the server. Done well, you have a reliable set of tests that can isolate a problem to a mismatch in the wire protocol.

In most applications, I need to write, and test, a client library. Even if this is a library only for communication with my own service, I generally find it much easier to test without actually invoking the server, repeatedly using example responses from the server as controlled inputs for my tests. However, mocking the fetch command requires an extra library, jest-fetch-mock.

Dev Dependencies:

  • jest-fetch-mock: ^2.1.2

Once installed, the fetch mock needs to be enabled for each file. Like with Enzyme, we could provide the initialization code in every file, but Jest provides an option, setupFiles, which executes code at the beginning of each file. Again, we can centralize this configuration.

{: .name} package.json

{: .text}

    "setupFiles": [
      "./setupOnFileLoad.ts"
    ],
{: .name} setupOnFileLoad.ts

{: .text}

import { GlobalWithFetchMock } from "jest-fetch-mock"

const customGlobal: GlobalWithFetchMock = global as GlobalWithFetchMock
customGlobal.fetch = require("jest-fetch-mock")
customGlobal.fetchMock = customGlobal.fetch

With this in place, fetch calls, when called from a jest process, will be replaced with the mock.

Compiling in HTML and CSS

This part is not specific to typescript, but is useful for managing static assets. These additional loaders allow me to include .css and .html files alongside the typescript source files.

Dev Dependencies:

  • css-loader: ^2.1.1
  • file-loader: ^3.0.1
  • style-loader: ^0.23.1
{: .name} webpack.config.js

{: .text}

  module: {
    rules: [
      { test: /\.css$/, loaders: ["style-loader", "css-loader"] },
      {
        test: /\.html$/,
        loader: "file-loader",
        options: {
          name: "[name].[ext]",
        },
      },
    ],
  },

With these rules in place, webpack will process require instructions such as the following.

const index = require("./index.html")
const styles = require("./styles.css")

HTML files will be copied into the distribution directory, where CSS files will be included in the target javascript bundle. This also means that the HTML file does not need to link to the CSS files.

Continuous Linting

Linting is very nearly free. tsserver, which gets installed in the typescript package, can be run in the background to continuously typecheck and lint the code. Ale for vim will automatically start tsserver if it can detect its presence. You just need a couple of small configuration options in your .vimrc.

{: .name} .vimrc

{: .text}

let g:ale_fixers = {
\   '*': ['remove_trailing_lines', 'trim_whitespace'],
\   'typescript': ['prettier', 'eslint'],
\}
let g:ale_fix_on_save = 1
let g:ale_set_loclist = 0

All At Once

At this point, it’s time to put everything together. Whether you jumped directly here or read through the explanations, here is where the whole thing goes together.

There are six files to drop into your environment. Fortunately, you probably only need to modify package.json and webpack.config.js, while the others are just boilerplate.

{: .name} package.json

{: .text}

{
  "name": "cc-boston-dashboard",
  "version": "1.0.0",
  "description": "A dashboard display for the Boston Cloud City team",
  "scripts": {
    "start": "webpack-dev-server",
    "build": "webpack",
  },
  "author": "Savanni D'Gerinel <savanni@luminescent-dreams.com>",
  "license": "BSD-3-Clause",
  "jest": {
    "transform": {
      ".(ts|tsx)": "ts-jest"
    },
    "testPathIgnorePatterns": [
      "/node_modules/",
      "/lib/"
    ],
    "testRegex": "(/src/.*\\.(test|spec))\\.(ts|tsx)$",
    "moduleFileExtensions": [
      "ts",
      "tsx",
      "js",
      "json"
    ],
    "setupFilesAfterEnv": [
      "./setupBeforeTest.ts"
    ]
    "setupFiles": [
      "./setupOnFileLoad.ts"
    ],
  },
  "devDependencies": {
    "@types/enzyme": "^3.9.1",
    "@types/enzyme-adapter-react-16": "^1.0.5",
    "@types/jest": "^24.0.11",
    "css-loader": "^2.1.1",
    "enzyme": "^3.9.0",
    "enzyme-adapter-react-16": "^1.12.1",
    "file-loader": "^3.0.1",
    "jest": "^24.7.1",
    "jest-fetch-mock": "^2.1.2",
    "style-loader": "^0.23.1",
    "ts-jest": "^24.0.2",
    "ts-loader": "^5.4.4",
    "typescript": "^3.4.5",
    "webpack": "^4.30.0",
    "webpack-cli": "^3.3.1",
    "webpack-dev-server": "^3.3.1"
  },
  "dependencies": {
  }
}
{: .name} webpack.config.js

{: .text}

const path = require("path")

module.exports = {
  mode: "development",
  entry: "./src/main.tsx",
  devtool: "inline-source-map",
  devServer: {
    contentBase: path.join(__dirname, "dist"),
    compress: true,
    port: 9000,
  },
  module: {
    rules: [
      {
        test: path => path.endsWith(".ts") || path.endsWith(".tsx"),
        loader: "ts-loader",
        options: {
          onlyCompileBundledFiles: true,
        },
        exclude: /node_modules/,
      },
      { test: /\.css$/, loaders: ["style-loader", "css-loader"] },
      {
        test: /\.html$/,
        loader: "file-loader",
        options: {
          name: "[name].[ext]",
        },
      },
    ]
  },
  resolve: {
    extensions: [".tsx", ".ts", ".js"],
  },
  output: {
    filename: "bundle.js",
    path: path.resolve(__dirname, "dist"),
  },
}
{: .name} tsconfig.json

{: .text}

{
  "compilerOptions": {
    "target": "es5",
    "module": "commonjs",
    "lib": ["es2015", "dom"],
    "jsx": "react",
    "strict": true,
    "esModuleInterop": true,
    "sourceMap": true
  }
}
{: .name} component.test.ts

{: .text}

import { configure } from "enzyme"
import Adapter from "enzyme-adapter-react-16"

beforeEach(() => configure({ adapter: new Adapter() }))
{: .name} setupBeforeTest.ts

{: .text}

import { configure } from "enzyme"
import Adapter from "enzyme-adapter-react-16"

configure({ adapter: new Adapter() })
{: .name} setupOnFileLoad.ts

{: .text}

import { GlobalWithFetchMock } from "jest-fetch-mock"

const customGlobal: GlobalWithFetchMock = global as GlobalWithFetchMock
customGlobal.fetch = require("jest-fetch-mock")
customGlobal.fetchMock = customGlobal.fetch

At the end of this journey, you should have a working typescript development environment. You can simply drop the above files into the root of your development environment and start coding!

Good luck and go out to build some applications!

Washburn, November 2005 - September 30, 2016

January 01, 0001

_DSC7215.web

_MG_1313

How does one speak of the departure of a cherished friend?

My dear, loyal friend for almost eleven years passed beyond at 1:40 am on Friday, September 30th. He spent the last five hours of his life in a hospital. I had thought that I was taking him in for a dangerous but curable condition. Instead, I took him in to discover that he had a creeping condition, largely undectable, that was going to kill him.

Kylie and I were with him when he went. Kat, his original human mother, made in only a few minutes later. I had hoped he would hold on just a bit longer.

Washburn came into my life with his sister River, two brothers Simon and Malcolm, and his mother Serenity, when he was a mere five weeks old. Kat and I adopted out all of the others, but opted to keep Washburn, and then when we separated I kept him along with Ghost.

IMG_20151224_091903

Washburn has slept with me almost every night of the last ten years. I cannot dream of counting the days in which I woke up to find him right there. Or nights in which I would be going to sleep and he would choose that moment in which I most needed to give him scritches. I would go to sleep with his purr and wake up to his purr. In his youth, he would investigate every open glass, first with his face and then with his paws. No glass was safe. Books were ruined for the sake of his love for water. I eventually foiled that by moving to using a water bottle almost exclusively. He spent years drinking from the faucet, often while I was brushing my teeth. He stopped and never really restarted, though in the last year I always got the impression he was interested.

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Most of his life he was skittish around new people. In the last few years he became braver, willing to come out, investigate, and even accept pets from a new person in the house. Though he rarely had a playmate after Kat and I separated and Vladimir went with her, in the last few years he and Sapphira finally formed a bond in which they would snuggle and groom. He learned to crawl up onto my chest at night to get more pets. He would never sleep there, but sometimes he would settle down for a few minutes with his aggressive purr.

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We lived out in the woods for a year, and so he is one of the few cats who has gotten to run out in the woods. He learned the joys of climbing a tree which had branches in near reach. Of running along a branch to see the world from high up. Of discovering what his claws were really good for.

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In his last few minutes, I wanted more than anything to pick him up, lie down, and wrap him up next to my chest. To let him die listening to my heartbeat, as he was born listening to his feline mother’s heartbeat. Alas I did not. I feared it would distress him. I feared it would hasten the end. And perhaps, because of that, my heart is broken a little more.

Washburn made an impression upon everyone. Everyone who knew him is sad to see him go. Even his vet, who saw him once a year, called me, heartbroken.

I promised him I would be with him his entire life. Promise fulfilled. What more can a mother do?

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My love, my dear friend, my child, Washburn:

I wish for you wild open fields in which to run
Forests in which to climb
Water to investigate and pet
Infinite hands to pet you
Beds in which to cuddle
And more love than even I could provide

Please forgive me for our fights
For the times I neglected you
Please remember the love I gave
The times we spent playing
The times we spent cuddled

Watch over your sisters
And be free

Maybe there is an afterlife, and maybe my love will let me visit you again.

I miss you. I will never forget you. For as long as I live, I will never let you be forgotten.

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I will reserve the rest of the space for stories which I will tell as I recall them, and additional pictures as I develop them.

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